Isak

There are two kinds of people in Eldervale.

Those who experience life.

And Isak, who insists on documenting it in a spreadsheet.

From an early age, Isak demonstrated an extraordinary interest in numbers. While other children collected stones, chased chickens or dreamed of becoming mighty adventurers, Isak preferred to count how many stones they collected, calculate the average speed of the chickens, and estimate the statistical likelihood of the adventurers surviving their first encounter with a goblin.

The results were not encouraging.

As he grew older, Isak discovered an extraordinary invention known as Excel.

Nobody in Eldervale knows exactly where he acquired it. Some claim it was a gift from a travelling wizard. Others believe he discovered it in an ancient ruin.

Isak insists that its origins are irrelevant.

What matters is that it has conditional formatting.

Today, Isak maintains an extensive collection of spreadsheets documenting practically every aspect of village life. He tracks adventurer activity, unusual sightings, local achievements and an alarming number of statistics that nobody remembers requesting.

He has even developed an elaborate system for monitoring the village's mysterious garden gnome.

When asked why he considers this necessary, Isak simply replies that the data might become important one day.

His friendships are equally fascinating.

Annika is one of the few people willing to listen to his increasingly elaborate theories. Their conversations have been known to drift from magic and mathematics to the statistical probability of ducks behaving suspiciously.

Hanna, meanwhile, has learned that asking Isak a simple question about inventory is a dangerous undertaking. What begins as an innocent enquiry about supplies inevitably ends with three charts, a projected demand forecast and an unsolicited explanation of pivot tables.

Lizzi has taken it upon herself to remind Isak that there are activities in life that cannot be adequately represented by a bar chart.

Isak considers this an interesting hypothesis.

He has not yet found sufficient evidence to support it.

And then there is Dr Chris.

Nobody is entirely certain how the two became acquainted.

They appear to share an unusually detailed understanding of an incident involving a medical examination, several missing records and a spreadsheet that Chris has repeatedly insisted should never be opened again.

Whenever someone asks Isak about it, he becomes unusually quiet.

Whenever someone asks Chris, he suddenly remembers an urgent appointment.

On one occasion, Isak was overheard asking whether the doctor had finally destroyed "the original dataset."

Chris reportedly went pale.

Neither man has addressed the matter since.

Despite his unusual interests, Isak is a genuinely kind-hearted fellow who takes his responsibilities seriously. His announcements help adventurers stay informed, his records preserve important moments in Eldervale's history, and his enthusiasm for statistics occasionally produces information that is genuinely useful.

Unfortunately, identifying those occasions generally requires analysing another spreadsheet.

• A man of extraordinary interests. Isak's favourite recreational activity is opening Excel and creating a spreadsheet about an entirely different spreadsheet.

• Statistically significant friendship. Isak once attempted to calculate the probability of Annika, Hanna, Lizzi and himself remaining friends for life. Lizzi informed him that friendship does not work that way. He has been gathering more data ever since.

• The duck incident. Annika once asked Isak to help count some ducks. He returned three days later with population projections, a migration model and a sixteen-page report entitled "Anseriform Activity: A Preliminary Investigation." Annika had only wanted to know whether one was missing.

• An excellent business consultant. Hanna occasionally asks Isak for help organising her inventory. She has learned never to use the phrase "quick calculation" in his presence.

• The Lizzi intervention. Lizzi once persuaded Isak to spend an entire afternoon without looking at a spreadsheet. He described it as "an interesting experience with an extremely limited sample size."

• Medical confidentiality. Dr Chris refuses to explain how he knows Isak. Isak refuses to explain why his spreadsheet contains a worksheet labelled "CHRIS - DO NOT OPEN."

• The gnome problem. Isak has devoted a concerning amount of time to documenting the village's mysterious garden gnome. He insists that every interaction matters. Nobody is quite sure whether he means the gnome or his spreadsheet.

• Professional standards. Isak considers any conclusion drawn from a sample size of one to be statistically irresponsible. Unless the conclusion involves his own intelligence, in which case he considers the evidence overwhelming.

• An alarming proposition. Isak once suggested that all adventurers be assigned a unique identification number for improved record-keeping. The proposal was abandoned when he attempted to introduce quarterly performance reviews.

Isak is particularly interested in Excel, statistics, record-keeping and anything that can reasonably be converted into a table.

His enthusiasm occasionally proves useful to adventurers seeking information about unusual events and local activity.

His friendship with Annika, Hanna and Lizzi is genuine, even if they do not always share his passion for statistical analysis.

The circumstances surrounding his acquaintance with Dr Chris remain a mystery.

Any records relating to the incident appear to have been mysteriously misplaced.

Except, apparently, for one spreadsheet.

• Dr Chris - An old acquaintance under circumstances neither man is willing to discuss. Their shared history may involve a confidential spreadsheet.

• Annika - A close friend who has occasionally encouraged Isak's more unusual research projects, sometimes unintentionally.

• Hanna - A good friend whose inventory Isak would very much like to reorganise.

• Lizzi - A close friend who continues her largely unsuccessful campaign to introduce Isak to activities that do not involve statistics.